Gaining a little faith in myself

So, a brief play by play of Quentin's tball season so far this year.......April 15th coaches have a meeting and receive their team info....April 16th coaches begin calling the kiddos and scheduling practices......April 19 we have heard NOTHING from a coach to know what team Q is on while all of his friends are starting practices, so I call one of the league people.....finally that night the coach calls at 845 pm to schedule a practice for THURSDAY. mind you, by Thursday most teams have practiced once, some even twice. SO, we have practice Thursday where the coach makes comments under his breath about how he basically didn't want to be doing this...practice gets over and he says 'well i'll call you all to schedule another practice and i'll get game schedules out as soon as possible'.................SO, days go by, and by, and by. Finally when the NEXT Thursday rolls around we still have received no calls, and by now the other teams had worked on three and four practices (scheduled practices at least, some got rained and snowed out but at least the coaches made the effort). So i'm pissed that we have had no contact. A friend of mine whose husband is coaching another team emails me the game schedule and i realize that Q's first game is Monday (only 4 days away at this point) so i'm even more pissed now because we have NO idea whats going on.  So me being the controlling person that I am start calling the league president and whatnot, and finally end up having to volunteer for hubby and I to coach the team because the wonderful coach we had to start with just quit and didn't bother letting ANYONE know until the Thursday I started calling people! WTF! Who does that, agrees to coach a team then backs out and makes the kids suffer from it....5 and 6 year olds no less. and to boot, HIS son is on the team too! Anyway, so we end up being the coaches, and had we not volunteered i guess these kids would be coach less and who knows if they would've played or not. Ridiculous. Maybe most people wouldn't be so frustrated by it but hey, I'm manic at times and it got the better of me. 

I guess it has kinda turned out to help me in a way. I've always been terrified to talk to people or call people that I dont know. I won't even call and order pizza for cryin out loud. I hate calling and making appointments anywhere and hate dealing with people when it's me that has to go to them, whether it be a Dr office or anywhere else I need to seek information. Weird I know, but thats just me.   I started having some serious anxiety when the league guy brought me the equipment and team info because the reality of having to call all these people had set in. I seriously took all the names and numbers out of the packet and laid them on the table and stared at them for probably 10 minutes being totally afraid to call! I even had to call the hubby so he could calm me down and encourage me and let me know it'd be fine, that I just needed to call. Needless to say I made the calls and guess what, I SURVIVED IT! haha. maybe it was a good step for me. All of the parents were very understanding and helpful which made it easier for me too. I felt ok with the situation UNTIL our first game last night. Even though the moms were great to me on the phone, once we were at the game I felt like some of them were just staring and judging and I felt uncomfortable and not confident at all. I got through it though knowing its about the kids, and they all seemed to have a great time despite the lack of organization and practice up until that point.  I'm sure the rest of the season will get better and my nerves will calm down. I just need to get myself to quit feeling defensive about everything.....and assuming that everyone only thinks bad negative things about me, when in all reality i'm sure none of the parents that I 'thought' were judging me, were even paying attention to me, they were there to watch their kids and I'm sure thats all they were doing....not watching me. I'll get better.

One thing I'm upset about though is that I was wrapped up in getting everyone ready to bat, getting their helmets and bats together and making sure they were ready when it was their turn, that I didn't get to pay good attention to Q when he was up to bat. :( I didn't see how well he did or get to watch him run the bases. AND i'm a photo freak, so that totally sucked that I didn't get to take pictures during the game. UGH. I guess I take the bad with the good and know that at least he is getting to play, and he has such fun doing it. Maybe as the season goes on I will be more relaxed and be able to keep the team going all while paying attention to my favorite little 6 year old guy.  I've got great friends and family who are being very supportive and I'm thankful for that. And trust me, I'm not saying coaching tball is hard by any means, the only thing making it difficult for me is the people part of it! I'll get better, I hope.